The most trying of times as a mother

When we think of our time as mothers, we remember the joys that our children bring. When we look back on pregnancy, we try not to remember any pain or problems. We try to focus on the joy that was involved. Those moments of wiggling bodies, the hand or foot print sonogram. But what to do you focus on when those moments never came?
16 weeks ago, we were expecting a set of twins. We were very much trying not to get pregnant when we conceived. They were a major surprise. At 14 weeks, we had our first ultrasound to confirm that we were indeed having twins. Everything looked great, health little bundles of twin joy.
2 weeks later, we lost them. Never got to feel the movement inside, the joy of their first cries. Instead we got the experience of pain, doubled by the loss. Doubled by the loss of not only one child but of two. We would be 32 weeks along right now. I would look like the good year blimp.
I struggle almost daily with the images in my head. I would be making sure that everything was ready, everything was stocked, and that our hospital bag and plans were ready to go. Instead I try not to think of the time. Try not to recall the feelings I was having with my other 3 wonderful children. I try not to think about the odds that I would be having two more children in the next few weeks. Try not to think about the wonders that I lost.
The only think that I have found that helps, is to spend more time with my children. More time creating memories that I want to have, less time remembering what I want to forget. But here is the silver lining, I will see my babies again. I will be able to meet them when I get to heaven, in a very long time from now. Trials make us stronger, God never leaves our side, his strength can become ours if we only let him in.

Girly Summer Fun

As the temperatures started to reach into the 90s my kids and I started looking for a way to cool off. I needed to weed the weed bed, I mean flower bed.  So i turned on the hose, hooded up the nozzle, amd the kids went at it!

Remington LOVES to spray herself with the water! She would hold the hose and splash her face, loved it! The boys try to spray her feet, she SCREAMMMMMMMMMMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kids are awesome!

I LOOOVVVVEEEE POPCORN!!!!!!

Lunch time, better go fix the kids something to eat. I know they are enjoying a little snack of some popcorn, but they are eating like a blackhole today. Sucking in everything around them regardless of what it is or who it belongs to.

"Remmy! Dont eat my popcorn!"

There is no way she crawled all the way across the floor to get to the boys popcorn. She was clear across the room, and she hasnt even started to crawl yet. Better go check on her anyway! I enter the front room to a smile, and a handfull of popcorn getting shoveled into her mouth.

How she got that far that fast, i will never know. But I do know that she LOVES popcorn!

Wow! Has it been awhile... Update

Well, as of my last update, We now have a beautiful daughter named Remington. She is 6 weeks old now. She is Wonderful. I do not work anymore. I mostly stay home with my kids. I currently work for the census but that is temporary and my kids generally go with me.

I am still attending school, I am almost done with my second year, but I am working on my bachelors degree right now. I have had like no breaks to speak of, one short one the week of christmas and 4 weeks after Remington was born.

Taegan is potty trained, Corben is thinking about it. Scott has taken to really liking to fly fish, I wish he could go more often. He might be going to the night shift, it all depends on one guy and his actions at work, He has to go back to the night shift, but for some reason no one thinks that he will. If he doesnt, Scott will have to take the night shift, and I will support him as much as I can. It is hard, something about being here without him at night, kinda stinks. But it could be better than what we think it will be.

The only reason for this blog is so that I have somewhere to write down my feelings, somewhere that will make it easier for me to think out everything that is going on in my life. And even though I know that it wont get read, it is therepy for me, for free.

Thank you Blogspot for allowing me this little pleasure and peace of mind.

My visit to the Tropics

My husband has been working 12 hour shifts for a couple weeks now. He gets home about 7 each morning. I tend to wake up a little bit, just enough to tell him I love him and cuddle for a few minutes. Well as I was slowly waking I thought, Why am I so hot??? I know I am newly pregnant! (SWEET!!! Only tried for a month, like a miracle in our book!) but I shouldn't be getting this hot this early right? Scott walks in the bedroom and says, "Do you know it is 90* in here? i looked at the thermostat and it says 70. But the temperature gauge says 90."
So I woke up, got the boys ready and went to home depot to get a new thermostat. Got home and my house was still way hot!
two days later my heat finally kicked on.
I don't think I will visit the tropics anytime soon.

Birthday joys.....

So my birthday was the other day and my two year old, Taegan sang happy birthday to me before I went to work. After I got home rom a long boring day at work I went in the bathroom to refresh my make up and hair to go out with Scott. Taegan came into the bathroom and handed me a little pink hot wheeles car, as he handed it to me he said, "Here mommy, this is for your birthday....." It was teh most cute thing I have ever seen in my life. So SCoot put the car up by some pictures of our family so that I can remeber it always.

My boys being themselves.........

I was just sitting at my computer doing some homework when Taegan started doing this to make Corben Laugh. Taegan loves to play with his baby brother.