D you know why you are the way you are? I know why I am.

If you don't want to cry, stop reading. If you will feel sorry for me, stop reading got I need no sympathy. This is made me stronger than I pray anyone ever has to be.
It was new years eve 2004 going on 2005. I was invited to a party with a bunch of people I thought I knew. I thought they were good honest, trustworthy people. I had known everyone there for several years. I have never been so wrong in my life.
We were all sitting around the table playing a game, when a cute boy asked if anyone needed a drink, he was headed to get one. I asked for a Dr. Pepper. After drinking about half of it, I started to feel light headed and dizzy. My Friend told me to go take a nap in her bedroom, that she would wake me when midnight got closer.
After that, I can only remember glimpses and still frame memories of what happened. For this I feel truly blessed. I remember someone coming in the room, screaming as they ripped my shirt off. Ripping as in the seams were torn in half. I remember begging them to leave me alone, not to hurt me. I remember screaming at the top of my lungs for someone to please save me.
I remember crying and pleading with them not to take something from me that was sacred, something I was saving for my wedding night. I remember waking in the morning, hearing the birds, praying that it was just a horrible vivid dream When I gathered the courage to open my eyes, I was too stunned to cry, I wanted to die. There was what was left of my shirt on the floor by the bed. My pants were thrown on the arm of the ugly green chair.
For the next few months, I was crazy. I had no one I could talk to, no one I could trust. I felt that men were evil. That all men wanted was to use and abuse. They wanted nothing but to feel good, without caring about others feelings. That love was something people made up to make the world not seem like that torture chamber that it was.
I met my wonderful husband during this time. The first night we talked, I felt he was someone good. Someone that cared for others, someone I could trust. I didn't tell him what had happened to me, but he knew something was wrong. When he finally convinced me to tell him what was wrong, I told him how I felt about love, how I felt about men.
He asked for one chance to prove to me that love was something wonderful, something that me happy. Something not to hate.
My husband saved me in more ways than I can ever repay him for. He is the reason I am sane, the reason I can love. Because of him I am able to forgive. A gift that I wish more people were able to have.

I love you Scott

Do I want a girl?

Day off! Sweet! So the family and I decide we will take a walk. Found ourselves at the grand opening for the new flea market in town. (Why is it called a flea market?) Back in the corner, there was this little kid shop. It had everything from wood trains to knight helmets. They had the cutest pair of little girl shoes I have ever seen in my life. And these sweet home made dresses, they were way to cute.
I guess I had look on my face because my husband stated, didn't ask, but stated, "You want a girl don't you." It took me about half of a thought, YA RIGHT! I am not having a girl so I can buy the cute shoes at the flea market. Even if they are only $1.50!
I think I will stick to boys and just buy the cute stuff for my neices.

Check out this Website!

www.todaysmemoriesfortomorrow.com

Why are the SO lazy?

I was the closing manager tonight and I came to the realization that 15 year old boys ARE LAZY!!!!!! When a normal person is told to sweep something, the do. Not half of it, not walk around and think about doing sweeping. But normal people really doing it!!!! Why is this so hard to get through little boys heads? Giving a demonstraion didn't even work? Guys, have a chat with your younger selves, they are making you look really DUMB!

Potty Training is of the devil!

Almost done, almost done. Oh wait, life happens! Start over. Almost done, almost done. Oh, life again! I guess it is time to start over. Potty training has been the hardest parental issue I have ever had to deal with. If we ever make it a week without a potty accident I will cry with joy!

It seems that we get so close to Taegan staying dry all day for a few days, then life steps in and we start over. It is hard not to give up!